SMS: I don’t understand why the local dating economy is so ruined. It’s worse than the U.S. economy. Except it’s all demand and no supply, but all the people on the demand side refuse to look up from their shoetops and see that there’s a big world out there, and if they want a boyfriend, they can have one. They can even have… me! But it’s like A can’t get to B, the delivery routes all seem to be closed.

FRIEND: It’s just D.C. gays. There seems to be an autism epidemic among them. They won’t talk to anyone, they’re glassy-eyed, noncommunicative, unable to function in appropriate ways socially.

SMS: That’s it! You’ve nailed it: THERE IS A MEDICAL EXPLANATION. This is the epicenter of Asperger’s Syndrome: The D.C. gay scene! The 95%-singles-and-we’re-staying-that-way-forever-thank-you D.C. gay scene! But seriously, you and I’d make pretty good boyfriends for people, I think. I just don’t understand why it doesn’t happen.

FRIEND: For me, I think it’s like… like people who are out of work for so long they just give up.

SMS: Ah, yeah, like: “Unemployment figures were down sharply last week, but economists point out that the decline is most likely due to people leaving the workforce altogether.”

FRIEND: Yeah, people like us eventually just leave the dating scene altogether, because there simply are no relationships to have.

SMS: And it’s like a person who’s been out of a job for a really long time, all of their savings get depleted and finally they just have no economic choice but to move into their parents’ basement. We’re living the relationship equivalent of moving into our parents’ basements.

Tags: Asperger's Syndrome, D.C., Gay, Internet Dating