Those who can must have more than one child, not just for their own old-age insurance, but so that we as a society don’t end up with a whole generation of selfish only-children that will make the Me Decade of the ’70s look like Marx and Engels’ originally planned socialist wonderland.

The usual judgmental thoughts ran through my head: Why take pictures of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g? Why do you need to be in the picture with dumb, boring stuff? Just, simply, what is the point of this?

I cringed along with the rest of you during the holidays when Tareq and Michaele Salahi got busted for crashing a state dinner President Obama held for the prime minister of India. But for me it was personal. As the pictures of the outlaw couple posing proudly for pictures at the White House flickered across CNN, I said to myself, “Oh, man. The jig is up.”

I stun panhandlers who ask me for money by shushing them, my forefinger placed vertically in front of my mouth: “Shhhhh!” They stay stunned long enough for me to get away down the street without enduring further harassment.

Must want to be part of a “dude clique” just like the one that ostracized and terrorized you in high school. If you can emulate your former tormentors as much as possible, you can get back at those guys that called you a faggot! That’s clearly how it works.

Hey, Hollywood. Since you love the remakes so much, and you are getting progressively more comfy with the gay stuff, I have an idea for you: Remake all the classic (=$$$) movies as “gay.” Turn Scarlett O’Hara into Steven O’Hara, pair her with Rhett Butler, and bam: “Gay Gone with the Wind.” See, for convenience’s [...]

Real Washington insiders, or people who just grew up in the area, know this rule: When you encounter someone and introductions are made, hands are shaken, the thing you say is not “Nice to meet you.” The thing you say is “Nice to see you.” It obviates those awful moments when one person remembers meeting [...]