“My friend Sanya and her boyfriend Kurt and I were partying one night at this cool outdoor concert, smoking some weed, drinking some wine. Now I had always had a crush on Kurt, he is so beautiful. Big brown eyes, freckles, honey-colored hair… So, after the concert Kurt invites me over to drop some acid with him and Sanya, and, you know, keep partying.

“And we did. I was pretty buzzed at that point, so I took a couple of Xanax. Anyway, the vibe was just so good and we were all having a good time, and next thing I know Sanja reaches over and starts caressing my neck and stuff. One thing just led to another, I don’t know, we were buzzed! So I ended up going to bed with Kurt and my friend Sanya. I’d never slept with a woman before this, but she’s my friend, and I figured if Kurt was okay with it…

“In the middle of the night I woke up and had to blow my nose really bad, but there was no toilet paper in the bathroom, and I couldn’t find any Kleenex anywhere. I looked in my pockets in my pants that were on the floor with the rest of our clothes. I checked in my bag. Nothing! I was freaking out because I really needed a tissue, and I think because I was still buzzed I wasn’t thinking straight. I knew for sure that I had toilet paper at home, so I ran out of the house and got in the car and drove home. Maybe subconsciously I didn’t want to wake up to an awkward situation in the morning, too. I don’t know, but anyway I was halfway home when I realized I hadn’t put my clothes on. I was driving naked. I pulled into my driveway and my roommate was on the front porch smoking and she just said, ‘Sam, where are your clothes?’”

“Do you think this makes me a lesbian?”

Tags: bisexuality, Kleenex