1986

Up in my bedroom sitting on the floor playing an audiocassette I got for $2 called “Gospel” by Aretha Franklin. Very lo-fi recording of her when she was a teenager (like me!) singing at church, New Bethel Baptist in Detroit, and accompanying herself on piano. I am horrified by what I think I hear in the song “The Day Is Past and Gone.” DID ARETHA JUST CALL THE LORD A “BUTTHOLE”?

After rewinding several times, I determine she is singing “Lord, yow, but oh…”

Low-fidelity recordings often cause these kinds of misunderstandings.

1998

My friend and I slide into the pew at the Reverend Al Green‘s Full Gospel Tabernacle in Memphis, Tennessee. We were in town for the World Barbecue Championship, so we stopped here and also down the street at Graceland.

As the service begins, the strains of an organ ring out in the small church, and I look to the front, remarking to myself about the organist, “Oh, Al Green’s son must be filling in for him while Al is on the road touring or something.” But then the organist starts singing a stirring spiritual and I realize that that is Al Green.

Black don’t crack.

I end up getting so emotional during the service that my friend, who is older, has to forcibly remove me from the pew and take me outside to calm me down. I love church.

2010

I swear to God I saw Saddam Hussein driving a gray Toyota down Massachusetts Avenue today. If you had seen it you would agree: IT WAS HIM! The car had Maryland plates… What should we do?

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READ MORE WRONGAGERY: PARTS 5, 6, 7 and 1

Tags: Al Green, Aretha Franklin, Detroit, Full Gospel Tabernacle, gospel, Graceland, Massachusetts Avenue, Memphis, New Bethel Baptist Church, Saddam Hussein, Washington D.C.